These are the basics I return to when things get wonky, the ground I stand on. If you're beginning to develop your gifts, I hope they serve as a steadying hand.
✵ Surrender
It's not about knowing, it's about learning. Really, it's about passing it on. If you try to use your gifts to figure out the rules and the laws of the universe, you will go nuts, or be humbled, or be stripped of awareness.
✵ Cleanliness
You need to get yourself energetically clean. Many call it spiritual hygiene and I love this term. Learn to clean your house. Learn to clean yourself. Learn what situations cause you to have static, become disoriented, inhibit your awareness, or cause you emotional issues.
✵ Development of Character
A good medium is self-aware. You let go of assumptions, biases, etc. If you are being judgemental of yourself, or others, it will infect the "message". Try embracing a charitable, grateful mood, and praying or meditating to enter a state of Grace. It is about getting out of our own way or the way of others. None of us is perfect, but wipe as many smudges off of the lens as possible, even if we all know they will show up again tomorrow!
This may even seem paternalistic, or toxically positive. But it is my experience that even in that space of positive-thinking, there is room for darkness and acceptance of the bad. And in fact, to do darker stuff requires this ability as well. Strengthen your relationship to "the light" and develop the ability to let go and detach from things which can and will hold you back. It is about logically realizing you have more control from this space of gratitude, serenity, charity, and positive assumption. But also it is a good thing for your soul as well.
✵ Self-Awareness
Learn to limit how you impose your beliefs and assumptions on the world around you. Learn to differentiate your thoughts and feelings from that which is coming from somewhere else. In the beginning, learn to tell if a thought is coming from anxiety, fear, ego, the desire to be right, or the desire to have a certain outcome. Wanting to be able to fix an issue that is not there is a desired outcome. Wanting something "to happen" is a desired outcome. Wanting to be helpful to oneself or another is a desired outcome. The desired outcome should be that what happens is what's best, true, etc., and a deep belief that this is what will be.
✵ Humility
One of the biggest issues across all of these is the desire to develop gifts for the sake of being gifted, or to be seen as gifted. Or to experience the miraculous. To experience spirit. Or to figure it all out: does this urge to know it all come from a need to be powerful? Safe? Sure? Well, it's a moot point. We will only know what we will know, and in due time. And I believe each of us is supposed to learn very different things. Share the wealth, learn from others, and accept your lot. Sometimes the simplest revelations are the most useful.
✵ Practicality
I used to want to think, speak, feel spirit all the time. But then my mentor taught me: everything we do should lead us back to living life. I think of it this way: if I wanted to live in the land of spirit, I could just be dead. This should be something that is just one part of your life.
✵ Acceptance
To come at spiritual development with the intention to be the best, etc., especially if that is not your path, will only cause you more harm. Sometimes, it will take so, so much longer than we would think, want, or hope. Sometimes it could come fast, all this new information, and the precepts above will ground us in deeper understanding. We should be able to make use of it, and it should be sustainable, not a flash in the pan that we forget with the next big revelation.
All of these concepts together…
Temperance & Self-Control.
Most Importantly
Work only with your primary spirit guide at first. This is how I was taught, and may be more in-line with spiritist teachings (and also, spiritualism). Find what works for you. I like the term "spirit assigned to me at birth [by God]".
I have developed such that I only allow uninhibited contact with this one trustworthy spirit assigned to me at birth. That spirit can organize my contacts, liaison, affairs etc. in the spirit world since she has a better view than I do. If I walk around thinking "I hope I get a spiritual message", any spirit can take advantage of that. And even if I say "I only want to contact my spirit guide" but secretly I want the table to float into the air and spin around, then a spirit can take advantage of that and manipulate me with the promise that that might happen.
So over many months and years I continuously reinforced a deep desire to do what is correct and right with this gift, to use it for others, and allow it to be administered by a wiser, more godly spirit, or if she is not so perfect, at least my spirit guide can see both realms, when I cannot! Eventually, through trial and error it sticks and you don't have to worry so much, because it's just your default setting. The fun part will come, but you have to follow the rules to know when they may bend.
I still struggle with some of this but it's the basics I return to when things get wonky. In times where I struggle, I have to be kind to myself, that way I can accept my part. Sometimes we are hurt or suffering, something unjust has happened, or life is topsy-turvy. It is completely natural to try to pull on our less-helpful desires and seek retribution, feel powerful, or feel that we have safety and control over a situation.
This more modest approach is something I work on, and it helps that I have a deeper knowing now that in the long run it produces better results, and keeps me safe from the worst parts of this ability. The magical experiences, and more fantastic results came in time. And the less I "wanted" it and more I just allowed for it to happen (or not), quicker or slower, and threw my hands up relenting or consenting to what is best for me, the better and clearer things became.